May 26.

May 26, 2016: I graduate from high school.

May 26, 2014: my mom passed away from cancer.

I don’t know if this is God’s idea of a cruel joke, but the fact that these two events are happening on the same day is some sort of sick irony. Transitions, moving on, new beginnings, yeah, I’ll try to get behind all the meta-analysises of my life, but on the real I’m not digging this reality.

I remember finding out literally days later that she passed away. She passed away on Monday of that week, and my dad didn’t tell me until Thursday when my finals were over. Here we are, two years later, and it’s finals week.. and I’m also graduating. And my mom isn’t here.

Death is never going to get easier for me, and the fact that it’s a part of literally every fucking event in my life, every transition and change I go through, that really sucks. And it really hurts. I can never describe the pain I feel every day…. that I feel it doesn’t need to be spoken about, because why should it? It happened 2 years ago.

“Well I guess this is growing up.”

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3 thoughts on “May 26.

  1. I am pretty sure that I don’t feel your pain.
    I feel my pain, I feel pain because of your pain, and I feel pain because of Armita’s pain.
    Every second of every minute of every hour of every day I am thinking of my dear Shahrzad, happy days, sad days, like a movie that I am watching over and over again in random order. A movie that took 20 years.

    The only thing I found out for sure: TIME DOES NOT HEAL.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Anahita when I saw your post, I felt sad. I know a little about grief and although some days it is true and feels like time doesn’t heal the pain but on other days it is reassuring the feeling of knowing that person we grieve is with us still. It may or may not be true but believing somehow for me makes some days more bearable. Maybe this is your moms way of helping change the pain of the 26th to a good memory you can hold onto. If not hold onto her and watch for the signs she is still with you.

    Liked by 2 people

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