I already miss home and haven’t even left yet.
Home isn’t my house. Home is the people I’m with everyday. It’s hearing my English teacher crack jokes at 8AM. It’s listening to the kettle boil water every morning for tea. It’s turning my head in class and being able to jokingly glare at my best friend as she laughs. It’s the constant presence of my group of friends that’s gotten larger by the year.
Home is the comfort of my own bed. The comfort of my friends. The comfort of being able to see my leadership teacher every morning before class. The comfort of knowing I have multiple adults on campus by my side. The comfort of having a family always ready to support me no matter what stupid decision I decide to make. The comfort of having that very same family at arms length, not a car ride away.
The idea of comfort. I know things aren’t changing anytime soon, but I know that they will. And that’s the dilemma. It’s a problem I don’t need to deal with now but am forced to do so anyways.
I don’t want to leave home. I don’t want to leave my family. My friends. My house. The comfort that I’ve tried to build back these past two years without my mom. I don’t want to leave the feeling of peace and routine, but I want a good education. I want adventures and memories. (But do I? I think I do but this makes me unsure.) (I still think I do.)
I don’t want to leave my sister. I don’t want to leave saying goodnight to her each night. I don’t want to leave the SpongeBob episodes we watch over breakfast. I don’t want to leave the dinners we go out to CPK. I don’t want to leave the idea of being able to hug her at anytime I want. I don’t want to leave my sister, but I know I have to because she needs to grow up and become her own person.
I don’t want to leave home, but I know I have to soon.
“It was home. It was nice. That’s how you know you’ve really got a home: When you leave it, there’s that feeling that you can’t shake. You just miss it.” – Neal, Once Upon A Time
I miss it already.