I already miss home and haven’t even left yet.

Home isn’t my house. Home is the people I’m with everyday. It’s hearing my English teacher crack jokes at 8AM. It’s listening to the kettle boil water every morning for tea. It’s turning my head in class and being able to jokingly glare at my best friend as she laughs. It’s the constant presence of my group of friends that’s gotten larger by the year.

Home is the comfort of my own bed. The comfort of my friends. The comfort of being able to see my leadership teacher every morning before class. The comfort of knowing I have multiple adults on campus by my side. The comfort of having a family always ready to support me no matter what stupid decision I decide to make. The comfort of having that very same family at arms length, not a car ride away.

The idea of comfort. I know things aren’t changing anytime soon, but I know that they will. And that’s the dilemma. It’s a  problem I don’t need to deal with now but am forced to do so anyways.

I don’t want to leave home. I don’t want to leave my family. My friends. My house. The comfort that I’ve tried to build back these past two years without my mom. I don’t want to leave the feeling of peace and routine, but I want a good education. I want adventures and memories. (But do I? I think I do but this makes me unsure.) (I still think I do.)

I don’t want to leave my sister. I don’t want to leave saying goodnight to her each night. I don’t want to leave the SpongeBob episodes we watch over breakfast. I don’t want to leave the dinners we go out to CPK. I don’t want to leave the idea of being able to hug her at anytime I want. I don’t want to leave my sister, but I know I have to because she needs to grow up and become her own person.

I don’t want to leave home, but I know I have to soon.

“It was home. It was nice. That’s how you know you’ve really got a home: When you leave it, there’s that feeling that you can’t shake. You just miss it.” – Neal, Once Upon A Time 

I miss it already.


2 thoughts on “Home

  1. First of all you are an excellent writer.

    I don’t have to say this because I am pretty sure you know it, but I’ll say it any way. I am always there, where ever you are, as long as I am here.
    Let me be less serious. I would like to write a few words from my conversation with a friend mine, Angelo, that goes back many many years ago, probably 23-24 years ago.

    Picture this: a warm summer night and we are sitting in cafe Roma (not Strada) in Berkeley. He is a great writer. He was writing and I was drinking my Earl Grey tea and from time to time we were talking. I had gone through a bad divorce few weeks before that day and I was very depressed. Some where in our conversation I said “I am going to leave Berkeley some day soon.” The he said: “Have you watched the Taxi?” I replied: “Not really.” Then he said: “In one episode Louie says: nobody left taxi business except James Caan, and he will be back!” Then my friend continues with this: “Let me tell you something, nobody left Berkeley except James Caan, and he will be back.”

    I left Berkeley for Tehran to stay there for the rest of my life. I came back and I have been here again for the last 24 years.

    Liked by 1 person

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