7/11

trembling hands

seven breaths in

eleven breaths out

i try to focus my eyes to see clearly

to disengage from the tears

clouding my vision

 

all i can see is numbers and

percent errors and

test scores and

letter grades and

essays in delicate cursive font and

nothing has my name on it

 

seven breaths in

eleven breaths out

 

i try to close my eyes

focus on the nothingness

the black silence

that blank dark color

of the inside of my eyes

 

i try to focus on the happiness that is in store for me

the smiling faces of my future children

seven breaths in

the love of my future husband

his warm embrace comforting me

eleven breaths out

 

all i can see

the black silence

that blank dark color

is nothing

 

no hope

no light

no faith

no future

 

seven breaths in

 

as i reach eleven

i’ll be nothing

and that’s what scares me the most.

 

 

 

Photo Credit: Edvard Munch

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